Making it up as we go along

Took dd to a birthday party this aft and had a good record in stopping conversations.

Are you having a good weekend? no, see previous entries re cat.

When do you start back to work? I don't, I've been made redundant.

When does dd start school? She's not going we're home educating her.

That's three for three then. It's quite funny, in a painful kind of way. Makes you think about those little white lies, but I really wasn't up to social chitchat.

Dd worked through some more of her workbooks tonight. I picked up a really cheap batch during the week, and she adores them 'cos you get to put a star sticker on the page when you've done it. It has to be right though, and she wants to know the answer. Some of the odd ones out were a bit surprising. Odd one out of a bed, a lawnmower, a go cart and a bicycle? Dp said it was the lawnmower because you don't sit on it. Dd went for the wheels and I agreed with her. Then we got apple, plum, strawberry, 99 icecream. She went for the plum, because all the others had bits sticking out. Can't argue too much with that either.

Still, at least we had lots of conversation about looking at the pictures and thinking about similarities and differences.

It's done. Jess went to sleep in my arms at the vets this morning.

Last night we weren't sure that he was going to make it through to the morning, but he did, so we took our final trip a little while ago.

Ridiculous to feel so upset, but I'm absolutely howling here. Dd is sad, she tells me, but wants to know when we are getting another cat. She also wants to know where "the other bit" of Jess is. I told her that I'd left his body at the vets, but that the other part of him was gone. V similar to the discussion when Gramps died last year. I think that we'll be getting a few of that sort of question over the next few days, so I hope you'll excuse us at camp if you see us in the corner having a few tears and a group hug. That's if I manage to get organised for camp - Jess did horrid things on the sofa cover last night, and it's completely thrown out my washing and drying schedule. Might have to pop some stuff up to mothers into the tumble dryer!

The phone call from the vets came this afternoon, and was as bad as it could be. The lovely lady vet took quite some time to let me come to the conclusion that it is Jess's time, and sooner would be better than later. So I dripped all over dp, and dd, and friend who was round with her kids, and made an appt for the morning. Thought it would be better to at least let dd have tonight to say goodbye to him, although it seems to be me with the problem rather than her.

Dripping on the keyboard as I type, so this isn't going to be a long entry.

Still feeling horribly guilty that if I'd spotted it earlier that I'd have been able to do something, but the reality of the situation is that I probably wouldn't have, and he isn't in pain, just rather sad. But I said many rude words, which I won't type here.

The timing of this is terrible. We've camp on Sunday, so I had to decide whether to try IV fluids and admit him to the vets knowing that I wouldn't be here next week to make the next decisions, but really the vet offered those options to talk me out of them. He's a very shy cat, and he would be so traumatised by the whole thing that it really isn't worth it. And he's lost so much weight that he hasn't got anything to fight with - not that he was ever anything but a skinny wretch, but right now he's emaciated.

On the positive side, dd has had a lovely afternoon with her friends, although she played far more with the 2 yr old boy than she did with her agemate, which is unusual. Did finish up the film in the camera with a shot of the two girls doing workbooks and the two boys playing with a shapesorter. Hope those shots come out (would have used the digital but the batteries need changing again.)

Don't really feel like wombling on about the positive just now, so I think I'll wrap up there.

Not really. For Thurs I managed to get us to the library, and shuffled a few things round the house aimlessly and dd did another workbook (no, not those ones Merry, one of the new ones from my masterfully cheap shop yesterday!)

Then I took the cat to the vets. He's been looking a bit off colour and what with the flu, ds's cough and ear infection, nursery, dd's birthday, my impending redundancy, I'd been just hoping he'd sort it out. He's still eating some of his food, we haven't had any sickness or the other, but he just seems a bit off colour - then when I picked him up to put him in his box, I realised that he's just skin and bone. He isn't a cuddly cat, so I haven't cuddled him for ages, and it was terrifying to realise that I could feel every bump on his spine.

The vets did a lot of blood tests, we'll get the results tomorrow, but I used to work at a vets and I've been around animals all my life, and I know that this doesn't look good. I just hadn't realised how thin he'd got - I feel awful about it. I really need to get my act together - work, house, cat, kiddles - I can do this. I can.
But only if I get some sleep. night night.

Talk about an anti-climax. I dropped dd at nursery for her last day and went to spend some time and money at a large shopping mall type thing. She was a bit tearful as I left, but was sitting on her keyworkers knee and getting to choose what song they were all going to sing. I'd hoped that she was going to get a lift home from her friend, but when I called the relevant mother later, she said that she was stuck in town and wasn't risking the drive for the snow. Snow?? Large shopping mall being undercover, I hadn't realised that the threatened white stuff had arrived. So I hurriedly purchased the thermal underwear (boys, they didn't have any girly stuff in dd's size) that I'd found in M&S (figures, I'd looked everywhere else first!) and legged it to the car, stopping only to buy c100 books at the bookshop that they are shutting down (£20, can't be bad - anyone for sweet valley high? :-) ) and of course feed and change dd and dash outside...

so where's this snow then? I grew up in West Yorkshire, and then in Durham, and I'm used to snow - proper amounts of it. This was barely a dusting, so of course Sheffield ground to a halt. If I hadn't left when I did, I wouldn't have made it to dd's nursery at all - there is a roundabout that they were parking across that was slowly but surely blocking the whole centre of the city.

So the nursery manager wanted to know if I'd found dd another nursery - hello? You were there at the steering committee meeting when I pulled you all up about the leaflets you were handing out, pointing out that home education is legal and we were going to be doing it? As usual got too flustered to say anything like - no! so just said not yet. But I don't need to worry, as it's not like she's never been anywhere and she'll fit in anywhere and we don't need to worry about her not knowing her shapes and colours, she's very bright....

aargh....why does she need to know her shapes and colours? When was the last time someone quizzed you on them? Apart from the hexagonal prism question of course lol How did we all manage when we didn't get taught them by rote at age 2? Because I know I didn't get taught them like that!

They also gave me her nursery file. It appears to have been rather hurriedly updated having had no entries since November. There is this marvellous set of tick lists of early learning goals that need to be achieved by age 5 (at least, I think that's what they are) and it's interesting to see where they thought dd was. It would appear that they don't know her desperately well...

anyway, small is yelling...be back to update on today in a little while.

one day to go.

tomorrow is dd's last day at nursery. She didn't really want to go today, but I've got visions of tantrums if she didn't go and then realised that she wasn't going again, so I eventually got her there for lunchtime. Then I tootled off to hobbycraft and bought craft supplies for camp next week - have offered to do a session making felt bracelets or foam monsters (or some such) or do some paper folding. Quite looking forward to it...

aargh....dp has just come in from outside with white hair instead of grey - it's snowing! This could make the whole camp thing a bit more difficult!

Anyway, bumped into the mother of dd's best friend at nursery as I was going to pick up tonight, so managed to have a little chat. Hoping to keep in touch with them, but aware that it is going to be a lot of work to do it - they live in Sheffield, both parents work, and H is in nursery two days and pre-school another two. Like her mother said, it's going to be school holidays. She was somewhat in awe of the idea that we are going to home-educate, but was of the opinion that dd would be fine as "she has two intelligent parents". Nice to hear she thinks we are bright, but was trying to explain that we don't really intend to do much in the way of teaching at least to begin with. Still, there you go.

Well, I'm actually avoiding several work emails that I need to do, so I'd better clear off and sort them. Then there's dps nappy and maybe it will even be bed time.

Dd was extremely pleased when her friends appeared, would have been even better if we'd actually got our act together and shopped and washed up first! Still, there was tea to drink and food for the kiddies - so the adults ate a little later ;-)

Lovely to see K and her two again - very comfortable having them around and K found the missing library dvd! Didn't do anything overtly educational, although we are talkign about combining resources when we are buying/ making things. We were concentrating on that socialisation thing again. Did notice that we seem to get more noise from dd on her home turf - not so good at sharing her stuff here. Then again, it was mainly her new Chrimble stuff, so maybe she just needs a little more practise with that.

On the downside, ds isn't desperately well - took him to the docs and came back with antibiotics for a suspected ear infection that is backed up with a bit of a cough. He is not himself at all (although he still made eyes at the doctors receptionist!)

Got the dvd back to the library with 10 minutes to spare, and lovely evening with dd as well. Her last two days at nursery start tomorrow - oh boy. I did get dp to get me some cookie mix and so on with the idea we'd make them for her to take in, but we didn't get it done today. Lots of talk tonight about tech toys - dd was bought a V tech notebook thing for Christmas and it had to go back as it didn't work, so now we've got the money. She wants a real computer, but the refund won't quite reach to that, so we're debating what we think she'd enjoy. Doesn't have to be educational as such, just something she'll enjoy. Suggestions in a comments form please.

Have just received many hugs when I've informed dd that she has friends coming round today. Guess I'm doing alright at this mummy stuff after all ;-)

Well, ds slept in again today, and dd is still being lovely. It's a little frightening - I'd got so used to battling with her everyday over nothing much, that I find myself kind of watching her carefully to see whether she is really being this nice - co-operative, friendly, loving....can any of this have to do with the imminent end of nursery? Seems possible, but unlikely.

We went to the park and she played on the swings and the slide, we fed the geese, ducks and moorhens (bird seed, not bread - we got mobbed!) we walked around and looked at green shoots coming up and laid bets as to what colour the flowers would be, looked at some flowers that are up already (big mistake, I've seen the weather forecast) and then we went back to S house to play with R Christmas present. Ds slept on my knee throughout that, which explains why he's been up all evening - just keeled over, but isn't actually ready for bed, so I'm going to have to wake him up to get him a night nappy on.

I haven't managed that very well tonight, have I?

Still agonising over how I'm going to earn a living - I have less than two weeks employment left now. Working quite hard on networking over the hosting business - not that it's a business at the moment, but I think it could be. And dp and I keep discussing the future of this country - we're not that convinced it has one as such. Now that I have children the future concerns me much more - sounds trite, but what are my children going to inherit? It won't be a disposable nappy pile from us as ds is in washables, but what about the rest of it?

And that's as deep as I can get at this time in the morning I'm afraid. Night night all.

Dictated by dd ;-)

there was some pink flowers, there was some red flowers as well, and some white flowers. we saw some shoots that were green, and I thought that they were going to be green and yellow and R thought that they were going to be just green. Mummy said that she would write this in her blog and we will keep going back to find out what colour the flowers are when they grow. I enjoyed the swings. Db (darling brother) was nice while we were there.

And back to the main narrator -
will finish this later - got to go sort out ds.

Fiddling with the blog, and have finally figured out how to make it show now time, instead of some ludicrous time in the states.

Small pleasures ;-)

Just a quickie as we haven't done anything overtly educational today - but dd and I had some lovely quality time out and about this aft shopping without ds (who stayed at home with daddy). Enjoyed that - beginning to feel that we are making friends again. Tomorrow we are hoping to meet up with friends at softplay, and we really need to plan what she is going to take to nursery as a leaving present. It's such a large change, and she is completely blase about it - not the slightest bit bothered, I think I'm more torn than she is.

Hopefully have more to say tomorrow.

So here is for the detailed post.

Centerparcs yesterday, meeting up with my school friend that dd is named after. We did lunch in a french cafe, which was wonderful. There was a playhouse there, and dd made friends with a couple of other little girls playing in there. Who's worried about socialisation? Not me - dd is the most sociable little person I think I've ever met. She doesn't seem to have any problems - although I do wonder when I'm supposed to tell her about not talking to strangers. A thin line - she is so sensitive that I could very easily end up scaring her silly while trying to protect her.

But that is a worry for another day. After lunch we went into the swimming pool. It's really well set up for small ppl - there are baby areas, toddler areas, areas for young children right the way up to slides that they are ok with children and adults going down together. It was ds's first swimming trip - I think he thought I'd gone completely barking mad! After dunking him in the water a couple of times, me and my mate sat on the side of the small slide area while dd played and I fed ds (hopefully discreetly, although to be frank, I don't really care all that much) and talked and talked. Well, I talked and she listened mainly.

Then dd decided she'd like to go in the big pool, so they went off together and I lost sight of them while settling ds. Finally found them coming down one of the big slides together - they must have done it half a dozen times in the end, and dd was so proud of herself. She's barely been swimming since we went to Oasis a year ago, and to be frank, she was a bit of a wimp then. So it was a surprise to discover that with no effort put in, she's over that and ready to be a lot more adventurous. Good to see though, and makes me think that swimming lessons that don't need me there might be a possibility. I have bought a mesh sling for carting ds into the pool from ukp as well though ;-)

Last night I prepared pva embossing plates for the words "Thank you" (tip from team mudpud blog!) meaning to do some card making with dd. What with one thing and another (the best nights sleep I've had in about two months!) we didn't really get started on anything til this afternoon, and then there was a distinct sealife theme to the single card we made. Dd didn't want to use the rubbings plates (they do work - I tried them myself) but she did want to write the cards, so we've had her name, her friends name and the words "thank you" written out. She does want to do writing - lots of it, but she does it by copying what I write - at the moment it seems that she doesn't connect the letters and sounds particularly. Lots of I spy, writing, I think I'd better get the magnetic letters out again, and draft myself up a good deal of patience. I do get frustrated when she is so capable in so many areas, and then just doesn't seem to be co-operating in others. Weird - I used to work in social work with adults with learning difficulties, and I never got impatient or frustrated, just looked for as many different ways to do the things they wanted to do, explain the things they wanted to learn and so on (except for with the guy who hoarded nearly empty bottles of shampoo...got really frustrated with him! ;-) ) - so why can't I show the same level of patience with my own daughter?

Been thinking about a lot of other things as well. My introductory pack from the Quakers has arrived (was told that they support a humanist approach, so thought it was a good idea to look into the Quaker approach for a community point of view) haven't had chance to look into it yet though.

Gotta go - small is awake and screeching again. More later. Possibly.

Will post in detail tomorrow, but wanted to say thanks for the encouraging comments. Had a marvellous day at centerparcs with a friend on mine from school - lunch, then hours in the pool (ds first swimming - he wasn't hours in the pool though!) and dd was so different to the last time we took her -played on slides, went in the big pool, all sorts.

Got horribly lost on the way home, after having tea there too, but feel pleasantly tired rather than utterly shattered - just so nice unloading/ waffling/ chatting to a close friend with nothing to explain, apologise for or justify. Wonderful.

And have prepared an activity for tomorrow! Will wonders never cease. Will update tomorrow as to whether it works or not...

Just a quickie as we didn't do much yesterday and we're on the way out for the day today. Still sleep deprived and tearful - ds seems to be improving, but for the last two nights dd has had accidents, meaning I've to get up and bed change. Dp apologised profusely - she had been in and woken him up, and he didn't realise why and sent her back to bed - so she came to get me to change the bed instead. Aargh....

Anyway, wanted to make a note about vocabulary. As we were getting into the car yesterday, dd said "Agenda". So I said, "yes, it's a word, darling" (I know, but when I'm this tired....). So she replied, "No, I mean, what's the plan for today?" Guess she knows what 'agenda' means then!

Caught an old episode of COOT last night on one of the other BBC channels - came to the conclusion that might be the best way to watch it - several years out of step! Anyway, they were doing a baby IQ test, which was fascinating. Reminded me though that experiments are never completely objective - they were testing who was the best at various things, but it all depended on whether the children were interested in the fake cheerful tones of the experimenter and the odd toys that they were using. Whether they would play the game in other words.

Feeling very cynical today - does it show?

// posted by Jax Blunt @ 1/22/2004 10:09:00 AM

Not the best of days. Very sleep deprived this morning (and indeed all day) as ds didn't settle til 1am, then woke me up three times in the night, dd woke me up by yelling in her sleep and then got up at 6.45, and I dragged myself out of bed when the alarm went off at 8.30. Was trying to get dd to nursery, and somehow lost control of the morning completely and didn't get her there til lunchtime. Had all these plans of things to do this afternoon, and somehow only managed to make two phonecalls and hang out the washing. Did half of that in tears with ds balanced on my hip - don't know how these ppl who cart their children around at all times do it.

Desperate to get ds into some sort of routine, so that I can get some sleep and get some control back over things. Dd reacted badly to my state of mind and gave me backchat, throwing toys at me and doing the "I don't want to go to nursery" thing. Which is why we've cancelled her place (well, part of why we've cancelled her place) but I had in mind that I needed some space this afternoon to do some planning and catch up on some paperwork and just have a bit of calming time, and so I wanted her to go. Plus I want her to see her friends before she finishes....ok, let's face it, coherence isn't my strongest characteristic at the moment.

I am so tired! And today I got a letter from the sharesave ppl saying that they too have been told that I finished work in November (I haven't finished work yet, my last day is our last day at camp!) and so they were terminating the saving scheme and so on. Noooo.....I need that money!

OK, what I really need is sleep. And then to feel like i'm achieving something. Which at the moment I don't. Watched child of our time (dd is that age) and felt some more guilty -while I'm this tired and this down, I find it incredibly difficult to be loving and encouraging with dd, and so now I can worry whether I'm damaging her self-esteem for life. Getting myself a bit stressed over camp - I have my less than sociable side, so beginning to wonder what I've let myself in for here.

Enough. I'm going to make myself hot chocolate and wake up ds, put his night nappy on and take him to bed. Maybe I'll get a bit of sleep - he's had three meals of solids today, even had two petit filou for tea (screamed blue murder after he'd finished the first one). Ok, he isn't comatose any more - gotta go.

Hm, would like to do swimming regularly, but don't quite see how I'd manage with two small ppl - and dp doesn't swim if he can help it. Also thought that dance would allow dd an opportunity to meet other likeminded little girls (ok, I was thinking she'd find other pink fanatics!). Very aware that dropping her nursery means that she won't be regularly seeing her friends - hope that we'll keep in touch, but given her best female nursery friend is the daughter of my very soon to be ex-boss, not sure that will work that well. I feel awkward even if he doesn't!

Had lots of good intentions tonight, and spent most of the evening feeding Small instead (it's a nickname for ds, who is anything but ;-) ) I really want to try making some simple montessori activities and see if I can get a little bit of work going there, but once again, haven't got to it.

On the plus side, dd did her larger size hama car today (thanks Kirsty!) although she did insist on ironing it, so we are now once again short on large hama beads (might be time for another trip to beadmerrily) and looks like a couple of work schemes might come to fruition which could help with my general stress levels. I can't believe how adrift I feel just because I'm giving up work. I can remember trying so hard to get a job when I left uni, so it is ironic that I've just walked out of the best paid one that I've ever had. I really need to get my head together though, because I did hate working for the bank, while loving the actual work I did there. Surely I can find something to do that doesn't involve an office?

We also had an expensive trip to the library - the dvd was one day over, and cost £1.50 in fines. Then dd wanted to hire another (got the cheapest section, which still cost £1.20 for Barbie in the nutcracker) and then we found a constellation poster for £1.50, so that had to come home too. Watching dd trying to ballet dance to the nutcracker was definitely worth it though.

Didn't get round to blogging yesterday - not quite sure why. Probably because we didn't really do anything. Getting a bit of fallout behaviour wise from the excitement of the birthday and we all just needed a quiet time. So that's what we did.

Beginning to worry a bit about lack of exercise - when we are in the house, dd bounces of the walls a lot, but we don't tend to be particularly active. I think we need to find her something to do - almost wish we had a dog to walk, but couldn't cope with a dog - he'd have nowhere to lie down for starters! We've thought about gym classes or dance, and I think I need to make an effort to find something.

Well, we did the party thing, and it was good. I got so many compliments on my organisation skills, but all I did was book the party and turn up on time. Ok, maybe I do deserve some compliments on that ;-)

It was fun - the four year olds really seemed to enjoy it. I didn't really get to speak to anyone much, but one family that had come from a bit further away came to the house before and after so we got to spend a bit of time with them which was great. It was lovely to see so many friends, and a little sad as well, knowing that it could well be the last time I see some of dd's nursery friends. Just a couple more weeks, then we're away at winter camp and she doesn't go back after that. It's a little scary to think of - looking forward o getting lots of ideas at camp though.

Aargh, what a long day and it isn't over yet. Our home education lesson for the day is "why we shouldn't put Sindy's hair bobbles on our thumb..." As you can imagine, the thumb in question swelled up nicely, and I didn't see it at first, then thought she'd trapped it. Dp realised what it was, but couldn't get her to hold still so that he could cut it off - took both of us holding her after I'd explained what would have to happen if she didn't hold still (a trip to casualty and no party tomorrow). We're all wandering around looking a bit shocky, although there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage, and it has rather brought the day down.

Other than that we'd had a pretty good day. Dd is understandably hyper, but nothing particularly horrendous, and we'd had friends round for a low key birthday cake and tea celebration. Off to deal with the party bags now. And have a very strong cup of tea I think.

And another year goes by! It's dd's birthday - she's four today. Despite a distinct lack of sleep (ds has a temperature and a cold) I managed to haul myself out of bed when she woke up and make cheerful noises while she opened her presents. She's a bit confused as to how it can be her birthday today and her party tomorrow - the explanation that most ppl are at nursery and their parents at work doesn't seem to have clicked.

The e-card from K, M and A went down incredibly well, although she complained that the monkey had a cake with only one candle - I had to say that monkeys can't count - to which she replied "silly, 4 comes after 3" - good to know she's got that one sussed!

Lunch next and then shopping for cakes and party bag goodies - put them together last night and discovered one of the goodies looks rather more edible than it should....

Any other ecards gratefully accepted to jaxblunt@dunelm.org.uk (she does have her own email address, but I think I'd better not publish it on a blog just yet!)

So Thurs rolls round - where did the week go? That means it's Barbie dvd back to the library (got watched about 4 times, maybe more so pretty good value for 1.20) and my physio appt. Dd did more workbooks this morning - lots of pages with letters on - circle the picture beginning with type of stuff. Thing is, she doesn't really seem to get the idea of sounds starting words, and I haven't been pushing it, figuring that she'd come to it when she was ready. Now she wants to do workbooks, and keeps talking about reading, but doesn't want to learn to read or do any of the things that I think might help. So I spent some more time this morning reading Montessori books and thinking about a kind of crash course in the younger stuff to get her into the mindset and then really focus on the letters (anyone else made their own?) and dexterity and sensitivity stuff. I can't really see us doing to calm quiet atmosphere, but perhaps we can slowly introduce some of the ideas - by the time ds is ready to join in we might have a Montessori type household (but I wouldn't hold your breath!)

I think Montessori chin wags at Melrose would go down great - hints and tips on what approach works best for ppl.

'Nother library trip this aft, and we've come back with Piglet's Big Movie. Not nearly such a bargain - hadn't realised that they were different prices, so this one has cost £3 and we've only got it til Saturday, which is Dd's party day, so that will really help having to fit in a library trip! We also hunted for a book on constellations, but couldn't really find anything brilliant - come home with Usborne Space or some such as it was the only one with a picture of anything other than Orion.

She also spent quite a bit of time playing with her latest birthday present - Grandma bought her a bathroom set to go in her dollshouse. That is getting lots of play, and the amusing thing is that the dolls are called after the Folk from the Faraway tree, which has just been restarted as a bedtime chapter book. (The Mennyms didn't go down too well - boring we suspect).

Pretty good day all round - the school day didn't last past lunch and dd did art and made cards for her grandma and a friend. Grandma came round with an early birthday pressie tonight, which went down extremely well, and we had a nice meal together. I'm reading montessori books and ogling gummylump montessori toys - absolutely lovely. I can see the point of lots of montessori practices, and I think I can make some of the materials fairly easily. One question would be how many times do children tend to do the activities? Because if I spend three hours making something and she uses it once for 20 minutes, I'm going to feel a bit hard done by!

Still, won't know til I try it I suppose.

Having slight belief issues here- dd has decided she doesn't want to go to nursery any more (just as well we've cancelled the place as of the end of this month!) but she does want to go to big school. Love to know how other ppl deal with this - we're playing at big school - we've done the register, and now she's sitting at her desk doing maths workbooks and putting up her hand when she wants to talk to me. She's already announced that it was boring after about a minute, but she's persevering. *sigh* this was not what I had in mind...

Oh, and thanks to ppl for using the new comments facilities! I hadn't realised that ppl were reading this stuff - I started writing it (again) to drive myself into doing something. Last year I realised weeks were going by without me doing anything (and I mean anything, not just anything vaguely educational!) and life was kind of getting away from me. I thought if I started blogging again, it might give me some sorely needed focus. Seems to be working so far...

Well, yesterday had a lovely day - went to visit home edding friends. The children played with very little intervention, and K and I got to have a really good chat. It is so nice to talk to someone without having to first defend your choice to home ed - just talk about the practicalities of it all, different approaches - swap ideas. I've come away with a couple of montessori books to read through, and left 100 Easy lessons behind for a looksee (bought it in that flush of enthusiasm mentioned below - dd doesn't get along with it).

And last night - forget why I went outside - looked up and the stars were incredibly clear. So took dd up to her bedroom and showed her Orion - she really enjoyed it. If I'd had it planned I would have had a star map to hand, google didn't help out with anything particularly clear. But I think that's something we will have to continue exploring - dd is fascinated by stars (think they come second in her life to pink!) and dp and I have talked about a telescope several times. Haven't found anything suitable yet, but will no doubt keep looking.

Never let it be said that we don't listen to our audience (well, actually, up til about half an hour ago, I didn't realise we had an audience!) but just for you Merry, comments. Dunno whether they work - haven't tried them yet, and as usual doing three things at once here, but there are now comments facilities.

So I shall expect comments forthwith!

Todays actual blog entry is short and sweet - we've done very little today as we were off to the birthday party of a young lady we met via MP. Happy birthday to B, happy birthday to B, happy birthday dear B, happy birthday to B. Excellent entertainer - Kimmo - would refer you to his website, but it's offline at the moment. (And mailing him about that is on my list of things to do as well! ) Dd has been learning to work the remote control for the television - does that count as home education? It's extremely annoying anyway!

Last night she wanted her own laptop out - my parents bought her a Vtech Discover notebook for Christmas. It doesn't work - will have to go back to Grandma's to be sorted (hope she kept the reciept) which was extremely disappointing all round. We're keeping an eye on Ebay to see if we can get her a proper laptop - bet that would kickstart her reading and writing!

// posted by Jax Blunt @ 1/11/2004 08:43:00 PM

Aargh....some time ago, a long time ago, I did a co op for workbooks. It was in the burst of enthusiasm that accompanied my decision to home ed, when I thought that that meant duplicating school at home. The workbooks have languised on the shelf for the best part of two years. Today dd has decided that workbooks are a good idea, and she's done several pages of one called learn to read, and is now working on nursery all about. She is also driving me up the wall! She can do each of the things that is says to do, but she has to keep checking that she is doing it right - fallout from the nursery approach I feel. That's fine, but ds wants feeding, I'm trying to do the washing, and I thought the whole idea of work books was that you might get slightly more than 30 seconds without being yelled at?

Still, it might mean we get the workbooks off the shelves and free up a bit of space, every cloud and all that!

Ooh, went a whole day yesterday without posting!

Then again, didn't do anything overtly educational! Dd had a pleasant day - we shopped yesterday afternoon for birthday party things and then popped to a friends house to drop off some stuff and had tea there. Had a debate about home ed - it is so difficult to be positive about home ed without being negative about schools and teachers, and I don't want to be. I feel that schools cannot possibly suit all children, and also that the education system in this country wasn't actually set up to educate as such (too much John Holt and Gatto methinks!) and I don't want my young children in school. If dd does seriously want to go later then we'll consider it again then. She's talking about it now, but I don't think she realised that not everyone goes to school - I'm hoping that MP camp will help to open her eyes a bit!

Well, the good books seemed to help. Dd even turned down her favourite programme tonight, preferring to read with me. Odd way of doing it - I read a little, she recited it back and we got through two books that way. I was following the words on the page with my finger, but not sure that she is really connecting the words and sounds - still, I'm sure that we'll get there eventually.

Useful trip to the library this aft - got dd a dvd (Barbie Rapunzel *how* pink??) and chatted with the librarian about good books for starting reading. Have noticed that dd is no longer getting books out to read with us, but is thoroughly enjoying chapter books at bedtime, so I wondered if the gulf between the early picture books and things like Faraway tree, Mrs Pepperpot and the Mennyms was just too great.

Dd also drew a picture while I was having my physio appt - her as a baby, with me, and I have ds in my tummy. Good grasp of the timeline methinks!

Lovely afternoon out at bowling party for another home educated child - dd's first experience of bowling and it went well. As always ppl think she is so much older than she actually is - beginning to wonder what difference it makes. She just is herself and should it matter whether she is 3, 4 or 27? But we expect children to behave in different ways at different ages, and then also society expects them all to do the same thing as certain ages which doesn't make any sense at all.

Feeling quite a bit brighter in myself today - actually got an amount of sleep last night. Long may it continue!

Missed posting yesterday, big surprise! Dd was out at nursery then straight on to a party - she must have had a good time as she didn't want to see me when I arrived to pick her up. Writing the letter to cancel her nursery place and still agonising about it - while she says that she doesn't want to go and she sometimes cries when I drop her off, I know that she loves several of the children there - yesterday she'd legged it into the playground before I'd finished saying hello to the staff.

I'm going to have to work hard to offer her alternatives - I'm aware of the arguments that she should amuse herself to a certain extent, but she is used to fun and playmates laid on two days a week, so it may take some time to get over that.

Hohum.

And tv can be good...

dd has just sat through the first episode of the Blue Planet, absolutely enraptured. So much so that she wants to watch it again, now, so we're going to watch the rerun on the channel that is an hour behind. I've sat and watched it with her, and answered a few of her questions, but mainly had to say "I don't know" and "if you listen, the man is explaining it". Seems to have worked extremely well, was a bit worried when we got to the bit where the baby whale got eaten, but we seemed to get through it alright.

Another day drags itself into being - I was all geared up to leave the house today as I had a physio appt - but I've had a call cancelling it, so so much for that. I'm really struggling with sleep deprivation, and dd seems to have energy in inverse proportion to me, which I find incredibly wearing. On the plus side, bought a set of old cuisenaire rods on ebay yesterday for a very small amount of money - getting them shipped surface from the states, so they should be a nice surprise shortly after we get back from camp.

I'm kind of planning that this month will be a time for planning and that we will start activites when we come back from camp - dd will only be 4 so I'm not planning anything overtly educational, just something to give this boundless energy an outlet, and also to start undoing the "I can't" attitude which pervades everything she starts, which I can only assume is down to nursery.

Necessity is the mother of invention though, and when I couldn't make her sandwich now because I was feeding ds, she promptly set to and made her own - maybe I should contrive to be busy a little more often?

OK, I hate blogger.

Just typed a post about painting, colour mixing and my state of mind and the ultimate fate of the christmas tree and where is it? Lost in the ether of weirdness that is blogger. I think I shall do something about that....

Have just popped a little update on team mudpud about one of the craft projects we made for Chrimbo pressies, and will return here later with an update on my state of mind. More of those conversations with dp about morality and religion - complicated stuff. Are we taking it a bit far I wonder - dd is just coming up to 4. Keep remembering the jesuit saying though - something about give me the boy til he is 7 and I will give you the man. Well, we're over half way there, so perhaps we should be considering this more carefully.

OK, it's the first day of 2004, and I think we'll try one more time with the blog. Beware, brain download following.

We've been doing a lot of talking about home edding and family life in general - we've had some tough times, behaviourally speaking with dd, who is 4 in a short while, and I've been very down as I chose redundancy, and then really wondered what I'd done. Today though, we've been out with all of my family, including two six year olds and another boy who is 4 tomorrow, and quite frankly, we don't have anything to worry about with the behaviour. Dd can and does behave incredibly well most of the time, and, not wishing to offend anyone, we're beginning to think that the end results of school type socialisation is something we desperately want to avoid.

Something that is intriguing me is religion, philosophy, morality - the big questions. How and when do you introduce those to your home edded children? Dd thinks that christmas is just about Santa bringing her presents, oh, and giving a few to other ppl, and there's something to do with carols, mainly away in a manger with lor jesus and a cat called chloe. I was brought up C of E, but I no longer subscribe to that religious viewpoint - dp and I have had several difficult conversations in the last couple of weeks trying to thrash out what it is I do believe, and also trying to work out what approach to take with dd. I think that I'm closest to humanist, and was interested to discover that the quakers may be open to a humanist approach - I have been wondering if I am depriving dd by not being a part of a community for some kind of religious/ moral support - kind of the an atheist is a man with no invisible means of support route.

Another thing that I've been exploring is the continuum concept, which I find to be very interesting, but open to some odd interpretations. It does seem to me that children are not really meant to be raised in the very small family units that we live in, but I'm not up to moving to an intentional community or commune, so we'll ge continuing in this vein for the time being.

And none of this is really making any sense, so I think I'll give up now, and hope to be a little more coherent next time I call round.

Hope you all had a wonderful new year.